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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746321">The Concept of Loneliness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutdisturblivball/pseuds/donutdisturblivball'>donutdisturblivball</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MCYT Oneshots I Write Because I Have No Life [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Communication, Darryl Noveschosch Needs a Hug, Darryl Noveschosch-centric, Drifting Apart, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, IDK HOW MANY TIMES I CAN APOLOGIZE BUT IM SORRY, Left Behind - Freeform, Loneliness, M/M, Miscommunication, Moving On, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Pretending, Sad, Sad Darryl Noveschosch, Sad Ending, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, a bunch of these tags are very conflicting with one another but i swear it makes sense by the end, but at what cost, dream and spifey need a raise, fantasies, i don't know what i was thinking, i wanted to practice angst, its so sad, its still angsty tho, rated teen because theres swearing, regrets but also no regrets, you may or may not want to punch skeppy after this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:15:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,266</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746321</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutdisturblivball/pseuds/donutdisturblivball</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Skeppy has always been a constant in Bad's life. At least, he was, until he wasn't.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Or: my friend rejected me and now im projecting</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed &amp; Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed &amp; George | Spifey, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MCYT Oneshots I Write Because I Have No Life [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988605</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>264</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Concept of Loneliness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There's a hole in his life without Skeppy's presence. Bad desperately tries to fill it in.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY</p><p>AOSHFDILKSDJLJFKASDLKJAADSLFKJ IM SORRYYYYYYYYYYY</p><p>also, i feel like i might get a lot of comments abt the "my friend rejected me and now I'm projecting" bit so... backstory!</p><p>i was talking with one of my friends and then they kinda stopped texting so i threatened to write them angst and here we are. (though i did actually confess to my best friend a few weeks ago but they kinda brushed it off, and now things are awkward between us. i've tried talking, but,,, i mean, you win some, you lose some, i guess. i already knew they didn't like me, i just couldn't keep quiet abt smth like that, yknow? so now they kinda refuse to talk with me and I'm just like "well ok i was kinda hoping that you'd still try to reach out to me and i get that you feel weird that i like you, but did you really have to cut me off?" so it kinda sucks lmfao.)</p><p>anyway, IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY</p><p>i know i myself was complaining abt the amount of angst in my previous oneshot, but like,,, my friend recommended this prompt to me and i was like "hell yes lets go" and i don't feel motivation to write fluff rn so you get late night angst. enjoy.</p><p>(IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY)</p><p>~donut</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bad was familiar with loneliness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As a kid, he was the last one to be put on a team in soccer, the one kid who sat alone at lunch. He was the one kid that was gossiped about in the halls, even if they knew he could hear them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(“Have you seen that one kid?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s always alone at lunch.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He has this weird gap between his teeth.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why doesn’t he get it fixed?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How did he even get it?”)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t mind the quiet lunches. He didn’t mind that no one wanted him on their team (he wasn’t the most athletic person anyway), because he always had someone waiting at home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He always had his dog, waiting for him to arrive home. He always had his parents, ready to hear about his day, no matter how uneventful it was. He would always have a home to return to, and that was enough for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if he had a bad day, there were birds chirping happy tunes as he walked home, flowers that he’d collect as he saw new colors down the sidewalk. He’d arrive home and be greeted with barks and kisses and blueberry muffins baked by his mom, and the bad day would simply fade away and get tossed into the pile of ‘bad days’ that he’d accumulated during his time at school. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad was satisfied with his lonely life-- and maybe he was supposed to start liking girls or be getting more friends his age, but he was content with spending his days with his family, playing with his dog, and playing Minecraft until the early hours of the morning. It was constant. He always knew what was going to happen as soon as he got up in the morning, to when he laid his head down to sleep. No change was needed, and that was the way Bad liked it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was, of course, until he met Skeppy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The twenty year old had a specific talent for getting on his nerves. It was strange, because Bad himself had never thought that he’d ever associate himself with someone like Skeppy. His first few interactions with the man were some of the most emotionally charged moments of his life. The interviews were </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be normal, they were supposed to have people who were serious about getting admin on his server. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy, though, wasn’t normal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He would </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop bringing up ‘ping-spoofing’ (whatever the muffin </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was supposed to mean), and it didn’t take long for Bad to realise that Skeppy really wasn’t all that serious about becoming an admin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time he’d finally left the call, he allowed himself to calm down, relaxing into his chair with a sigh of relief. He never wanted to speak to Skeppy again after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or maybe he did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Skeppy’s voice would not leave his mind a few days after the interview. Skeppy had that… that magnetic pull that made you want to keep on talking to him, to keep him as a constant in your life. Maybe it was magic. Maybe he was being hypnotised, but he’d never felt that way before, so he indulged in it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy became another constant in Bad’s life. Bad was never fond of change, but maybe Skeppy opened him up a bit, because he was suddenly okay with having his heartstrings pulled and to be trolled again and again. Suddenly, despite the way Skeppy always changed, he stayed as a constant in Bad’s life because Bad wanted him as a constant in his life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, those messages that were only discussing video ideas, became messages of small talk and banter between the two, and then they went on voice calls more often, and then there were daily good morning and good night texts, to the point where he’d get worried if Skeppy didn’t respond for one day. Before he knew it, Skeppy became more than just someone in his life-- he was the best someone in his life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy was his best friend. His first best friend too, and maybe that’s why it took so long for him to finally realise that what he felt for his best friend was not simple ‘friendly’ affection. Before he knew it, the hearts at the end of his messages meant more than what they used to, and the words “I love you” were said with a heavier weight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad knows that he used to live a life without Skeppy. He knows that he used to live a life where Skeppy was someone he messaged occasionally, in a business-like manner. He knows that there was a time where he was alone-- and when he was content with that loneliness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t want to go back to that, though. Skeppy was the best thing in his life, and there was no contest against that. He would never do anything to lose Skeppy-- even if it meant bottling up his feelings. It would be okay, he knows, as long as Skeppy is by his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s common knowledge. Bad’s best friend is Skeppy, and Skeppy’s best friend is Bad. They’re the ultimate duo, the bestest of friends, the friendship you wanted to have. They were never alone, because they would always have each other, no matter what. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least, that’s what Bad thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows it was gradual. The way that Skeppy suddenly became more bland in their conversations, his replies being reduced to simple words and easy sentences. Bad had always blamed it on him being tired, but was it really reasonable to believe that Skeppy would be tired for so long? Soon after, the frequency of his hearts and “I love you’s” were reduced to nothing, and Bad was left on read when he sent his daily good mornings and good nights. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, Skeppy stops replying altogether. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ghosts him on Twitter, leaves Bad on read, and never responds to any of his telegrams. Their lives continue on; Skeppy continues to upload videos with his other friends, and Bad continues to stream.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s scary how easily he is able to slip into a life without Skeppy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t make it any easier.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad knows he used to live a life where he was alone. A life where Skeppy wasn’t there with his silly trolls or giggles or smiles. There was a time where Bad was content with loneliness, because he always had a home to come back to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know when, but his home had slowly become Skeppy. His home had slowly become the man that he’d accidentally fallen in love with, the man whom he’d love forever, even if he wasn’t in his life any more. Skeppy was still the best thing in his life, even if he never received his good morning texts or the hearts that he’d randomly send him out of the blue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spends more time crying, more time curling in on his own body because he misses the warmth that Skeppy had brought into his life. He wishes he could go back, back to the time where Skeppy was always there, and it seemed like forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With Skeppy, it had always seemed like forever. Like they would always grow old together, with their little jokes and quips that would forever stay fresh in Bad’s mind. With Skeppy, their time was endless, and hours could go by and it would still never be enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe he was wrong. Their time did end, and Bad knows that Skeppy won’t be coming back, no matter how many times he messages him. Skeppy leaves him on read again and again, and even though it shatters his heart, it lets him know that Skeppy is still out there-- even if he isn’t with Bad anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can’t bring himself to move on. He never replaces Skeppy, even though he knows that Skeppy’s already replaced him. He still watches Skeppy’s streams and his videos because he misses his voice and his laugh. It’s not the same, because he knows it’s not him who makes Skeppy laugh, but a little bit of Skeppy is enough for Bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(It’s really not. He wants more.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so, he spends his days streaming and recording with his other friends, all the while missing Skeppy. He tries to go out on dates, but all he can think about is Skeppy, and he can’t help but wonder if Skeppy is thinking about him too. He takes Rat on walks, and he wonders if Skeppy is walking Rocco, too. He still picks up flowers as he walks down sidewalks and imagines that he can send them to Skeppy to show him how much he misses him. He sees things that happen in his life, and no matter how mundane, he writes them all down so he’ll have lots of things to tell Skeppy when he gets home (even if Skeppy never responds). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at old streams when he and Skeppy were still best friends, and even though his heart hurts, he pretends that it’s happening all over again, that their time together is endless even if it’s already ended.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows that he used to live a life without Skeppy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows that he doesn’t want to go back to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, he doesn’t. He lives a life where he’s tripping in and out of reality, all the while missing Skeppy. He loses track of the days, the weeks, the months. He feels so alone even though Rat is right there to comfort him, because all he really wants is Skeppy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows Skeppy is gone. That Skeppy has moved on, away from Bad. He doesn’t accept it, though. He pretends Skeppy is still there with his “I love you’s” and his hearts, and he pretends that maybe Skeppy loved him back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s always alone and he knows it. He misses Skeppy, even if he knows that Skeppy doesn’t miss him back. He thinks of Skeppy, even though he knows that he’s the last thing on Skeppy’s mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurts, but he wants it. He wants Skeppy, and so he’ll keep reaching for the unattainable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wonders what he did wrong. Maybe he was too clingy, or sent too many hearts, or said something that was supposed to be kept in the deepest depths of his heart. Nothing comes to mind, which drives him mad, because Skeppy was a constant and then he wasn’t, and he knows there’s a reason why.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, though, no matter how hard he searches, he cannot find a reason why Skeppy wouldn’t want to stay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad listens to Ride With U because it makes him think of Skeppy, and he reads past conversations and Twitter threads that make it feel like Skeppy never left at all. He keeps Skeppy as a constant in his life, even though Skeppy is no longer there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad doesn’t like change.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He makes himself believe that Skeppy is still there so that nothing will change.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He will never let go of Skeppy, because a life without Skeppy is a life he doesn’t want.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He never acknowledges the void he feels in his heart. He never acknowledges the pain in his chest, nor does he entertain the thought that Skeppy isn’t there (even if he knows it’s true).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Skeppy is still here.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s the only thing keeping Bad going.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i may or may not continue this, depending on if ppl want me to.</p><p>a happy ending isn't guaranteed-- only a back story as to why skeppy started being a fucking dick and started ghosting bad. bc that was included in the prompt, but i just was like "yea you don't get comfort, take my angst."</p><p>so... tell me if you guys would want that :)</p><p>anyway, as always, i hope you have a lovely day/night, remember to nourish yourselves, and your (not so) daily reminder that there's always a reason to smile!!! &lt;3</p><p>~donut</p><p>P.S: i will update 14 days soon i swear</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I Love You and I Wish I Didn't</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Skeppy loves his best friend and wishes he didn't.</p><p>~</p><p>OR: Why Skeppy left Bad behind.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>due to people asking and also my inability to stop coming up with ideas, we have a part two!! pog?? :D</p><p>TW//: Alcohol Usage</p><p>random notes:<br/>- i have never been drunk (like i've never even had eggnog, get that), so... i know people slip up more when they are drunk but i dunno how to write that. when you read it, just kinda think of him sounding more... babyish? or however you think drunk skeppy would sound like. (also i'm underage so if i did have alcohol there would be a legal problem.)<br/>- i have now decided that skeppy ignored bad through late november until his birthday.<br/>- if you guys want another part, you'll have to tell me but no happy endings are guaranteed ok<br/>- i'm procrastinating on that history essay<br/>- on wattpad my oneshots book hit 1k reads and i cried in english class<br/>- today i felt particularly tired for no reason.<br/>- this chapter was also written whilst listening to drivers license.</p><p>i hope you enjoy!! (also thank you for all the kind comments on the last chapter. ily guys &lt;3)</p><p>~donut</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Skeppy was in love with his best friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it was the worst possible thing on the planet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hated how he fell in love with the way Bad giggled, the way he talked, the way he was everything Skeppy wanted and more. He could only wish that he didn’t love Bad, wish that his love for his friend was strictly platonic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t, though. The way he blushed was not the way he would blush for a friend, the way he was so afraid of losing Bad was not the way he would feel for a friend. The way his heart always began to race when Bad joined the Team Speak wasn’t supposed to happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wished he didn’t love someone who could never love him back. He wished he didn’t fall for someone who he knew he could never have. He wished he had distanced himself, so that he wouldn’t have to worry about losing someone who meant so much to him. He wished that he had never confronted those goddamn feelings in the first place, and left the reasons as to why Bad made his face go hot a secret, never to be unveiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t supposed to love Bad. It had been an accident, and the worst mistake of his life. He loved Bad, and he loved loving Bad, but every night he could only lay awake at night, knowing deep inside that Bad could never love him the way he wanted him to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sooner rather than later, he couldn’t keep sending Bad hearts, nor “I love you’s” because it was simply too hard. It was simply too hard to pretend that they meant nothing, that they were simply his platonic affection. He could no longer leave calls with a quick “I love you,” because should he have ever said the phrase, Bad would know just how much he really meant it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Bad was so perfect, from the way he found joy in the littlest things, to the way that he was so kind, and caring, and everything Skeppy could never come close to deserving. He knows why he fell in love with Bad, and it was simply because Bad is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> himself; He is his best friend, and he means everything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he pulls himself away. It’s so much easier than always having to be careful to not let Bad’s silly affection drive him into override. It’s so much easier to not have to worry about letting too much out, letting the truth of his feelings slip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It happens slowly. His responses to messages become more bland, before he slips away completely. He never blocks Bad, because he wants to be able to make sure that he’s okay. He knows that Bad is his best friend, so he promises that he will only slip away until the feelings disappear. He knows he could never really live a life where it wasn’t Skeppy and BadBoyHalo, and BadBoyHalo and Skeppy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad doesn’t upload as much (it’s not like he uploaded that much in the first place), but he does continue to stream. Skeppy hops on every one, because he misses his voice. It’s not the same as Bad talking to him, and he hasn’t heard him say “Geppy!” in a while (other than in previous videos that he watches while he waits for Saturday to arrive or a notification to pop up), but it’s Bad, and it’s a comfort to hear his voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t get to see his face anymore, though. He only looks through pictures that Bad had sent him before, or that he can find. He doesn’t know how many times he’s rewatched Bad’s wisdom teeth video, but he doesn’t really care, because the days begin to mush together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has a schedule. He gets up, warms up some breakfast (that are usually the leftovers of yesterday’s takeout), pours Rocco food, and then wastes the day away until he decides he wants to be productive and do work. Sometimes, Bad will text him a simple “good morning! &lt;3” and it always makes his heart flutter. He doesn’t reply, because the flutter hasn’t gone away, but he imagines himself with Bad, kissing him on the forehead as he mutters morning greetings into his hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Days go by, and then it becomes weeks, and then it’s been a full month since the last time he’d talked to Bad. Bad’s stopped streaming every Saturday, but he does continue to do it occasionally. Skeppy’s need to hear his voice becomes constant, and so he spends every minute that he’s not recording or streaming searching through old clips just to hear Bad’s voice again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes after Bad says “I love you,” he pauses the video and lets the words sink in. He knows his face is hot, even though the words tend not to be directed even at him. Still though, he pretends Bad means what Skeppy wants him to mean, and he lets his hand lightly graze the screen. He misses Bad. He misses him a lot, but the feelings have not gone away, and he’s scared they never will.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too,” he whispers in the dark of his room, pretending that Bad can hear him. For some reason, he wishes he does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad never leaves Skeppy’s mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No matter what he’s doing, where he is, Skeppy continues to create fantasies in his friend’s absence. He pretends that Bad is with him when he’s shopping for groceries, imagining his friend’s face and the way he’d bounce around Skeppy as they banter while he grabs food off of shelves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks Rocco and pretends that Bad is walking Rat right next to him, talking about his day. He pretends that Bad holds his hand as they walk and that he’s warm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he always comes back home alone, though, it always feels cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sees a muffin plush at a Target and buys it, so he can give it to Bad when his feelings go away. Until that happens, he cuddles with it at night, pretending that Bad’s there with him. He doesn’t know what type of muffin it is, but he pretends it’s a cinnamon muffin because Bad said that it would be the type of muffin he would be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad continues to send him texts every day, and even though he never replies, he smiles as he reads through all of them, hiding his smile behind sweater paws. Bad tells him about his day, things that happen, and he sends pictures of bouquets of little flowers that he finds when he walks Rat. He sends him videos of Rat, whether it’s to show off tricks, or just him petting Rat. He saves all of them, so that he can hear Bad’s giggles and replay them, again and again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t realise how much time has gone by until his birthday arrives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s his first birthday without Bad being there, after two years of constant affection and love. Bad sends him a happy birthday text, telling him how he misses him but is proud of him and how he can’t believe that Skeppy’s actually twenty-one. Skeppy can’t believe it either, and he almost calls Bad just to tell him that he’s missed him too, and that he’s sorry for ghosting him, but he needs to stay away for a while longer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t call Bad. He’s too scared that he’ll let it slip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gets loads of birthday messages from friends on Twitter and in private messages. He receives birthday wishes from fans, but he can’t stop rereading Bad’s message. It’s not a lot, but it shows that Bad is still there, still waiting for him, and he wishes that it didn’t make his heart race.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Happy birthday, Skeppy! :D</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re finally 21! How does it feel to be an adult? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know that you’re technically allowed to drink now, and I have no doubt that that’s what you’re going to do, but please remember to drink responsibly. o_O;;</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want you to know that I miss you. I know I tell you that a lot, and I know that you know because I always see you reading my messages. I hope that means that you miss me, too. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m so proud of you, Skeppy. You’ve grown so much as a person and as an influencer, and I know that you deserve every bit of fame and recognition you get.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you. I love you so much. Please come back to me soon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bad &lt;3</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hosts a birthday stream and hopes that Bad is watching, because everything is better if Bad is there. He says thank you again and again, and says “I love you” constantly, hoping that Bad will realise that the majority of those are directed at him. He tells the stream that he won’t do a drunk stream (mainly because he doesn’t want Bad to know how he feels if he is watching), but he might in the future. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He swears a total of eight times on stream, and he knows because immediately after, he can hear the faint sound of Bad scolding him with a “Language!”. After he ends the stream, he swears a bit more in his head so that he can hear Bad again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The house is quiet without the sounds of the stream in his ears. He stays on call with some of his other friends for a while longer before he leaves, and he’s only left with feelings that he’s yet to get rid of, and thoughts that plague his mind. He keeps on imagining Bad being there with him, showering him in affection and love that makes him crave the other man’s presence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t give in, though. Instead, he goes out to buy some alcohol, not caring what type it is. He gets home and leaves out food and water for Rocco, because he knows he won’t be sober enough to give his beloved pet the care he needs. He pops open the first bottle, and lets the smell waft into his nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It smells sort of funny, and he knows that there is one last chance for him to turn back, but instead, he takes a swig.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s fiery against his throat, and he coughs and sputters immediately. The taste is strange, but he pays it no mind as he takes another sip. Tonight, he decides, is for him to drink his feelings away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He drinks them away, alright. So much, in fact, that he’s left with no walls. He sobs in his chair, rocking himself back and forth, blabbering to himself. He misses Bad. He misses Bad so much, and he reminds himself of that as he takes another sip of the bottle. His throat hurts, but he’s too lost to care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He misses Bad’s voice. He misses Bad’s voice in real time, how he sounds when he’s really conversing with Skeppy. He wants to hear him say “I love you” to </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> again, and he wants Bad to love him, and for Bad to hold him and kiss him. He knows that Bad will never do those things to him, but he finds himself not caring as he drunkenly picks up his phone to call his best friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy lets out a sigh of relief. “Bad,” he slurs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skeppy?” Bad asks, and his voice is a silent whisper. Skeppy lets himself soak in the way Bad says his name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Bad,” he says, and then he coughs. “I missed-” he hiccups, “you. I missed you so much, Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… where have you </span>
  <em>
    <span>been</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Bad’s voice sounds like he’s about to break down into tears, and Skeppy knows he can’t have that. He won’t have it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve… I’ve been out on walks. I went to Target the other day to get groceries. Please don’t be sad, Bad,” he murmurs, “If you’re sad then I’ll be sad, and I don’t want you to cry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Geppy,” Bad says, and Skeppy immediately knows just how much he missed the way Bad said his name. “I’ve cried so many tears over you. Why did you leave me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because…” Skeppy starts, “I… I needed to stop. Feeling things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Feeling things?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, dude!” he exclaims, and he throws his head back into his chair. “I kept feeling these things around you, and I’m not supposed to feel ‘em. So I decided I would go away until I stopped feeling them, so that I wasn’t a downer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skeppy, what things were you feeling?” Bad asks, and he sounds hopeful. Skeppy smiles. He likes a hopeful Bad much more than a sad Bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I felt.. I felt warm, y’know?” Skeppy answers, “ I felt super warm. Like, my face flushed, and my heart went a lot faster, and then I was laying down in bed one night, and I just went… ‘wow, I think I’m in love with him.’ and I didn’t want to be in love with you, because you’re my best friend, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad doesn’t reply, and Skeppy keeps going.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyway</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I decided that the feelings were only bad, so I stopped talking to you so that you would never find out and the feelings would go away. But the problem is that they’re not going away! And I don’t know how to make them go away! It’s so frustrating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The feelings are really big. They’re really scary, because when you say ‘I love you’ to me, I want you to mean it like how I want you to, but I know that I don’t deserve that, since you deserve someone who can give you everything that you should have, and that’s not me. I always want you to hold me and to give me kisses, and I want you to feel the same way too, but I know it can’t happen, so I’m waiting it out until they disappear. I think I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything else, Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears Bad inhale shakily. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skeppy,” Bad mutters, “Are you drunk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I am,” Skeppy replies, “There’s like two empty bottles beside me. I… I can’t read them, though. It’s too blurry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should get some sleep, Skeppy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” he whines, “I want to talk to you more. I want to listen to you more. Please, Bad? I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do that,” Bad says. “You can’t… I get that you’re drunk, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>goodness</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why did you have to call me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just.. You can’t do this, Skeppy!” he yells, exasperated. Skeppy flinches.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not doing anything, Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you are!” Bad groans, “You… you ghost me for two months, and then you come back to tell me that you’re in love with me? And you’re drunk! You wouldn’t have called me otherwise!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I do love you, Bad,” Skeppy mutters, “Please. I know I shouldn’t, but I love you so much and I can’t stop it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to,” Bad replies, his voice stern and sharp. Skeppy feels a familiar warmth form behind his eyes. “You don’t… you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>get</span>
  </em>
  <span> to love me, Skeppy. Not anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bad-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get some sleep, Skeppy. Please, if you wanted to forget about your feelings, then you might as well forget about me, too.” He sighs, and his voice cracks when he speaks again. “Goodbye, Geppy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy doesn’t respond, but tears fall down his cheeks as the call ends. He places his phone on the table and gets up. He moves to his bed and falls down on it as if automatically, not thinking about what he was doing. He pulls the muffin plush closer to him and lets himself cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad. Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad. He misses him already.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wonders how his heart can feel so full and so broken at the same time.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry?</p><p>tell me. does skeppy deserve forgiveness? (personally i don't think so lmao)</p><p>also, i've decided that i like getting to know you guys bc you're all rly cool ppl so im gonna start posting daily questions that i definitely didn't get off of a website because i don't know how to socialize. don't feel obliged to answer tho!! :&gt;</p><p>how do you want to be remembered?</p><p>tell me if you guys want a part three, or if you guys are now satisfied with knowing skeppy's side of the story. i'd love to hear your thoughts.</p><p>i kinda projected with skeppy just regretting falling in love with his best friend, but-- WE DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT THAT. '':D</p><p>ANYway- i hope you guys have a lovely rest of your day/night, remember that there's always a reason to smile, and stay safe!!!</p><p>~donut</p><p>P.S: hey, you. yes, you. go fucking nourish yourself. you should hydrate, you should eat, and you should get at least a few hours of sleep. idrc if you exercise (well, i do, i just can't tell you to do it because i don't exercise either). you deserve to take care of you and your body. &lt;3</p><p>(ALSO: don't be a covid-iot. the virus is real, and while there are vaccines coming out, it will still take a while for it to be released to the public. wash your hands and wear masks. lets keep everyone safe!! &gt;:D)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Okay Is With You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every action has consequences. It's about time they deal with the ones of their own.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>FIRST OFF:<br/>thank you for all the support on this fic!!!! it's been one long fucking ride, but we've finally hit the finish line.</p><p>many of you requested a third part to go with this fic. the angst is a bit lighter in this chapter, and there now is comfort. also, stan dream and spifey, because.. just, yes.</p><p>random notes :D</p><p>- i am now somewhat a prompt generator for my friends<br/>- i have become an OFFICIAL third wheel, because i've been third wheeling my two friends for a while, but they finally confessed!! (tbh they kinda gave me motivation to write this, so... thanks to them!! &lt;3)<br/>- i'm going back into a hybrid schedule for school. bleh.<br/>- this means im doing exercise, and therefore can scold you guys about your habits too<br/>- i ate another banana muffin today and now i'm hungry for another one but i've run out<br/>- a lot of people commented about how they related with the heartbreak written in the first two chapters, and i'd just like to say that i'm sorry and i hope it gets better for you. &lt;3<br/>- it's so cold where i live. i didn't want to get out of bed this morning.<br/>- watermelon gum is good until the flavor goes away :(<br/>- happy (late) birthday to skeppy!! and also callahan, i think?<br/>- skeppy didn't do a drunk stream for his birthday. my disappointment is immeasurable. </p><p>welp... i hope you guys enjoy!!!!</p><p>~donut</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bad slowly lowers his hand, before his arm goes limp in his lap. Skeppy’s contact is still lit up in the dark, almost mockingly. He stares blankly at his wall, and the events that had just happened a few minutes prior came crashing, headfirst and hard, into his stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Goodness, he felt sick. Or, maybe it was heartbreak. Hurt, possibly? Regret, or remorse? Whatever he was feeling didn’t have a name. All he knew was that it hurt, and he wanted it to go away. There was a pit of dread in his stomach, one that was all too recognizable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy… Skeppy doesn’t want to love him. Skeppy thinks that loving him is bad, and he would rather have none of him at all instead of loving him. He idly wonders if Skeppy would’ve even bothered to call if he wasn’t drunk. How many more nights would Bad have gone with no Skeppy otherwise?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has the urge to throw his phone away, to hide under the covers and pretend that this is all some big nightmare. That when he wakes up, he’ll receive a call from Skeppy, and everything will go back to how it used to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s spent so many nights wishing for that, though.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows it’s not going to come true.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he seeks the thing he knows he needs most. Comfort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(He ignores the pain in his chest with the realisation that he used to go to Skeppy for comfort, too.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello? Bad?” Dream’s voice comes through after the first few rings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sniffles. “Hi, Dream.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you- Are you crying?” he asks, “What time is it for you right now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad looks over to the digital clock on his desk. “Around two.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dream sighs. “What are you doing awake so late?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad stays silent. Was comfort really what he needed right now?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing awake so late?” Bad asks in response, turning the attention away from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was on call with George,” he replies easily. “Now you’re going to tell me exactly what’s keeping you up so late. You need to sleep, Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he whispers, and it’s so quiet he doesn’t even know if Dream heard him or not. There’s a voice in the back of his mind that hopes that he didn’t. “It’s about Skeppy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The atmosphere in the call grows tense. Throughout the entirety of the two months of no response from Skeppy, he hadn’t been brought up in any conversations either. The first and last time he was brought up was during the first week, and after that, never again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(“Hey,” Sapnap said, during a recording session, “You haven’t brought Skeppy up lately.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bad stiffened at the mention of his name. He missed him so much. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, yeah, Bad,” George smiled, his voice teasing, “Where’s your boyfriend at?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t,” Bad started, before he took a deep breath. His voice was shaky as he spoke. “Don’t call him that. He’s fine.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The call was tense for a bit, and a silent exchange of worried tones between the Dream Team occurred for a split second. Dream brushed it off, continuing the manhunt. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Note to self</span>
  <em>
    <span>, he had thought, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Skeppy is a discussion topic that is off limits. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It hadn’t really bothered any of them. Whatever the two were going through, they would get through it together.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, George,” he said in a sing-song voice, and in response, George screamed on instinct, despite not seeing Dream anywhere near him.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about Skeppy?” Dream asks, his voice unreadable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad cracked, and his body shook with sobs as he explained everything that had happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy wakes up with a pounding in his head, and as he lays in his sheets, he could barely even think a coherent thought. He has a headache and a ringing in his ears. Memories of yesterday flood back into his mind, and suddenly nothing matters other than the words that he can hear in his mind, clear as day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t… you don’t get to love me, Skeppy. Not anymore.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you wanted to forget about your feelings, then you might as well forget about me, too.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“George,” he says, as soon as his friend picks up, “Geo, please, I need your help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A familiar British accent comes out from the other line. He laughs. “Jesus, Zak, what do you need?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I fucked up,” he replies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You literally just became an adult yesterday, don’t tell me you got arrested or some shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but at this point, I’d rather be in jail than going through whatever this is,” Skeppy mumbles, throwing an arm over his eyes. Oh, his head hurts like hell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have two problems actually,” he admits, “First: how do you cure a hangover?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spifey laughs boisterously, and Skeppy thinks he can hear him slapping his table as he tries to regain his composure. “You got drunk already?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please laugh at me later,” Skeppy pleads, “This headache is annoying as fuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughs again, and Skeppy has half a mind to just hang up on him right then and there. “George!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, fine,” he says, “First, why don’t you get some ibuprofen and a glass of water?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Skeppy mutters, and he can’t help but wish that it was Bad who was consulting him instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t get to love me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Does that mean he can’t miss him either?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dream sits in silence, only giving Bad a weak attempt at comfort as he wraps his head around the situation. Bad’s crying has ceased, but he still sniffles and hiccups occasionally. Dream </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Bad’s holding back another wave of tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How’d they even get here?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad was one of the kindest, most genuine people he knew. He loved, and he loved openly and easily. You were the luckiest person alive if an angel like BadBoyHalo fell in love with you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, yet, Skeppy threw that away </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> easily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew. He always knew that Bad had fallen for him, even before he’d known it himself. It was awfully gradual, but soon, whenever he talked to the man, he’d continue to hear stories about how “Skeppy did this,” and, “Skeppy did that,” or, “Skeppy’s such a muffinhead!” that was obviously meant to sound annoyed, but the tone of his voice was far too fond for anything of the sort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad was so far gone, that by the time he’d finally realised his feelings for Skeppy, it wasn’t even some drastic revelation. He’d been on call with Dream and Sapnap for fun while they played Bedwars together, and Bad had said it with such simplicity, as if it were like mentioning what he had for breakfast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(“I think I’m in love with Skeppy</span>
  </em>
  <span>,</span>
  <em>
    <span>” Bad said, stacking to get to mid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sapnap made an unintelligible noise, and Dream stayed silent, waiting for Bad to go on, perhaps with an, “Oh my god, I love Skeppy,” or a, “He doesn’t love me back, though, how could I be so stupid?” or something of the sort. When nothing came, he frowned slightly.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?” Sapnap asked, despite obviously hearing it clear as day a few moments prior.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I think I’m in love with Skeppy,” Bad repeated, before he paused. “No, I </span>
  </em>
  <span>know</span>
  <em>
    <span> I am in love with Skeppy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The call was silent, an awkward atmosphere engulfing them. Finally, Dream shrugged. “Good for you, Bad,” he replied, and the topic was dropped. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“RED DESTROYED OUR BED,” Sapnap shouted.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“SHIT!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“LANGUAGE!”)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bad,” Dream calls, “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad sniffles. “What for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just…” Dream trails off. What is he sorry for? “I’m apologizing to you,” he decides, “Because Skeppy won’t do it himself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other side of the call stays silent. Maybe he should hold off on saying Skeppy’s name. “I don’t know what to do,” Bad whispers, “I can’t just forget him. I think I’ve loved him far too long to just forget he ever happened.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re hurting,” Dream says, “But I think you should talk to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can imagine Bad shaking his head as he replies. “I don’t want to,” he cries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to,” he responds, “Nothing will ever get solved if you keep running. If you keep hiding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe I don’t want things to be solved, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and I both know that’s not true,” he states. Bad stays silent. “You’ve never been a good liar, Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad sighs. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just talk to him,” Dream repeats, “You guys both need closure. You’ve been dancing around each other, avoiding the unavoidable. Look where that got you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad doesn’t reply. Instead, he hiccups and starts to cry again. “I miss him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dream gives his computer a sad smile, as if Bad could see the sympathy on his face. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t…” Bad starts, “I don’t know if I want him to talk to me anymore, Dream.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dream sighs. “I miss him too, Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You miss him?-” Bad starts, “You guys don’t really talk, though.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” he agrees, “But before, I’d hear stories.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stories?” Bad asks, as if Dream is spouting nonsense. “What possible stories could you have heard?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard stories about how he trolled Munchy again and again,” Dream starts out simple. “I’ve heard stories about how he keeps bluffing about being good at bedwars. I’ve heard that he claims to be taller than a certain person I know, and how he thinks he’s better at Mario Kart than him. I hear that they’re going to put it to the test when they meet up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But those are things that I’ve told you,” Bad points out. Dream ignores him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hear about the way he giggles, and how it sounds so adorable. I’ve heard about the way he hides his smile behind sweater paws, and that someone can’t decide whether he wants him to hide his smile or not, because either way, he’s still the cutest person he’s ever seen. I hear about how his eyes are like deep pools of creamy, melted chocolate that a very good friend of mine just wants to dive into. I’ve heard about the way his hair looks so soft, the way he smiles, the little mole that they like to call a beauty mark that’s on the side of his face that nobody notices.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dream sighs, and he hears Bad choke on his own breath again. He knows Bad is crying. “I miss him too, Bad,” he whispers, “I miss the way he made you happy, and as much as I hate to admit it, I do miss the times where you’d just go on and on about why you love him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it still the same if he makes me feel sad, now?” Bad asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dream bites his lip. “He’s supposed to make you feel a bit sad too, sometimes,” he says, “That’s love. That’s friendship, that’s just life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If he never made you sad, he’d just be too good to be true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never felt this sad before, though,” Bad murmurs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That,” Dream says, “is heartbreak.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad cries again. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dream exhales slowly, leaning back in his chair as he stares at the ceiling. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I miss him, still,” Bad says, “There’s, like, this huge hole in my heart now. I wish it would just go away. It’s so annoying. I just feel so sad all the time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s only one way to heal that,” Dream states.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighs. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re literally the biggest fuck up I’ve ever met.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy sighs, long and hard. His headache is mostly gone, and the only real pain he feels is the hurt in his heart. “Yeah, I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could you even screw up that badly?” Spifey asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been asking myself that for the past three hours,” Skeppy replies, his speech muffled from his face being smushed into the table. He replays the conversation in his head again and again, and he feels like the worst person in the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do,” he admits, his voice quiet. “I feel like I’ve messed things up so badly that I don’t even know if he’d still want to be friends anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course he will,” Spifey replies, “He loves you way too much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he shouldn’t,” Skeppy mumbles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spifey frowns. “Don’t say that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t get why he loves me,” Skeppy goes on, “Even just as a best friend. There’s just… so many other people who are so much better for him. Why’d he even decide to stick with me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spifey’s frown increases, and he looks around, as if to ponder over what he wants to say. Finally, he speaks. “I’m not Bad,” he starts, “But I know that he admires your confidence.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy lifts his face up from the table to look at Spifey’s face on their facetime call. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He thinks that you’re really loud,” Spifey continues, “And that you can be obnoxious sometimes. He thinks that you troll a bit too much, but you always make sure he’s okay after, and that’s why he knows that you’re secretly a good muffin, but you just hide it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy blushes. “He did not say that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Spifey shrugs, “But you’ll never know if you don’t talk to him, will you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighs. “How do I even know that he’d want to talk to me?” he asks, “He said that I should just forget about him if I wanted to forget about my feelings that much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, do you want to forget about your feelings?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy purses his lips. After a moment, he shakes his head. “No,” he admits, “I just don’t want to lose Bad. It’s so scary, really, to know that I could lose him just because I wanted more. If I wasn’t so in love with him, I wouldn’t ever have to worry about losing him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spifey scoffs. “Look at where that got you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy scowls. “Geez.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should talk to him,” Spifey says. “Tell him that. What you two need, is one long talk, where you’re not lying, or hiding, or any of that shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you need to be honest. You just gotta… rip the band-aid off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve gotta fix things, Skeppy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s only one way it’s gonna get fixed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what the hell are you doing here? Why’re you still talking to me?” Spifey grins at his camera. “Go get him, Skepsters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy softly smiles back. “I’m on it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad wakes up and immediately checks his phone for any text messages from Skeppy. He scrolls through his notifications, and his face falls as he realises that Skeppy has yet to reach out to him. He turns off his phone and flops to his side in disappointment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why would Skeppy have called him, anyway?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His phone rings, and when the caller ID shows Skeppy’s contact, he feels a lump of excitement and dread form in his throat. He answers the call.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s silent for a bit, and he can hear Skeppy breathing on the other line. It’s comforting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Skeppy,” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as he hears his voice, he feels a deep sense of regret pooling in his gut. What was he going to say? What was he supposed to say? He was already treading on thin ice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” is all he can bring himself to say. He facepalms. He’s such an idiot. This was a terrible idea. Fuck you, Spifey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(He ignores the voice of morality in his mind that tells him not to blame this on his friend who has been nothing but helpful, despite the stupidity of the situation.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re not drunk again,” Bad jokes, though it’s obviously just to loosen up the tension. It’s a bad joke at that, but Skeppy finds himself chuckling along, just to calm his nerves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not,” he promises.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Bad replies, and Skeppy doesn’t know what to make of it. “That’s good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sit in silence for a while.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe the first thing you did when you became an adult was get drunk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughs. “Don’t remind me. Spifey already laughed at me for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good on him,” Bad says, “You’re such a muffinhead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy takes a breath. “Yeah,” he mutters. “I’m sorry for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He steels himself, covering his face with his arm. “I said that I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad stays silent. After a few moments, he responds. “Thank you, Skeppy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>More silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you…” Bad starts, and it seems as though he’s choosing his words carefully, “Do you really know what you’re sorry for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy frowns. “I’d like to think I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What for, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for…” He sighs. “I’m sorry for leaving you. For just… never responding. I know it was wrong. I know I hurt you. I wish I was better about it all. I’m sorry that-- I’m just so sorry for everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad doesn’t reply. Instead, he sniffles, and then Skeppy hears him crying on the other side of the line. “Fuck,” he mutters, and he feels his spirits lower even further when Bad doesn’t scold him. “I’m sorry, please don’t cry. I know I did you wrong, and I know you deserve so much better, and-- god, Bad. I’m just so sorry. Please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> don't cry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m--” Bad starts, “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry?” Skeppy asks, “Why are you sorry?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was so mean yesterday,” his voice cracks, “And I was just so mad, because I missed you so much, and I just don’t know if you missed me as much too. And it made me mad, because it was so unfair about how you could just call me and say that you loved me, like the past two months of pain that I felt for loving you didn’t mean anything to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Skeppy shook his head, “Those months meant everything to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad sniffles. “It didn’t seem like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bad,” Skeppy says, “Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… you’re always on my mind, you know that?” He doesn’t give him a chance to reply as he continues. “I think about you when I see a muffin, or even a pizza place. I think of you when I see a car, because that stupid Japanese symbol for beginner emoji goes on the back of cars in Japan, or some shit.” He takes a breath. “I go to the grocery store and think about you when I pass the baking aisle because you talk about your favorite muffin mixes so much. I think about you when I walk Rocco, because I wonder if he and Rat would get along the same way we do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There isn’t a single minute when you weren’t on my mind-- when you’re not on my mind. I do something and I think about what you would think, if you would be proud of me, or if you’d call me a silly muffinhead. And… I pretended you were here. The entire two months felt like a fever dream because I kept on thinking you were by my side, that you were holding my hand, that I woke up next to you, even if I felt unbelievably cold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really,” Skeppy murmurs, and he feels worn and out of breath by the end of his speech, “I’m in love with you, and it was so scary that I just didn’t want it to be real.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad sobs, and Skeppy can tell that it’s not a sob of anguish anymore. There’s a newfound sense of relief and joy that he hadn’t heard from his friend’s voice in days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with you, too, Skeppy,” he whispers, “And I always pretended you were here when you weren’t. I always missed you, and I’d watch your videos and streams daily, because I always missed the way your voice sounded, and I’d miss the way you said my name, and the way you laughed and the way you smiled.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy finds himself laughing as Bad goes on. “I kept on pretending that you were with me, and when I wasn’t doing that, I was wondering about you and what you were doing because I just couldn’t stand the thought of </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinking about you, and I’m just so in love with you because I know that as long as you’re with me, everything will be okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Skeppy apologizes again, “I was just so scared.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, you potato,” Bad replies. “I was scared too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s always so scary, when it comes to you,” Skeppy mutters, “There’s just so much that I could lose.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad sighs. “You’re my everything, Skeppy,” he says, “I don’t think I could ever live a life without you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I could, either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad starts a FaceTime call, and Skeppy accepts without a moment’s hesitation. Bad’s eyes are red, and tired, and puffy, but he’s smiling, and his dimples show as he grins at Skeppy. They both look like a wreck, but Skeppy knows that he’s at the highest point in his life when Bad giggles behind a hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re such a mess, aren’t we?” Bad asks, and Skeppy nods in agreement. “What do we do now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Skeppy replies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re not ready for anything more,” Bad says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” he agrees, “We’re not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know where to go from here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We could,” Skeppy starts, “We could just start over?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Start over?” Bad asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go back, a bit,” he shrugs, “Pretend the last two months didn’t happen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad frowns. “I think it’d be bad if we forgot it happened, Skeppy,” he admits, “We don’t want it to happen again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It won’t,” Skeppy promises, “At least, I hope it won’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hope?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Skeppy replies, “I hope it won’t. And… we just can’t hide anymore. We need to be honest with each other, Bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Bad nods, “So, what? How do we start over?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Skeppy smiles. “I don’t know,” he mutters, “But I know we’ll figure it out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m never leaving you again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad smiles. “I hoped you wouldn’t.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<span>And even though it’s messy, and they’ve both cried one too many tears, Skeppy knows that it </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> be okay. It will be okay, as long as he has his best friend by his side. It will be okay, because he finally found his home again, and he never wants to let him go.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WOOOOOOOo!!!!!<br/>AMBIGUOUS ENDING KINDA?????? LETS GOO???????</p><p>i'd just like to say that the dream smp finale from today was... holy shit, i just don't know. i wonder if this is the end of the dream smp. i sure fucking hope not. dunno what they'd do, tho. is anyone getting into epic smp? what's that abt?</p><p>i am now adding chapter titles to this fic. also, my computer keeps trying to autocorrect fic to pic or fit and it makes me annoyed :(</p><p>more things to mention:<br/>- dream and spifey suddenly became wise in this fanfic. just don't question it. lets just say they're using their own experiences as references, and.... oh, dream's finally putting that 10,000 IQ to good use.<br/>- i really wanted to finish this today since i exercised today, therefore i can scold you guys today. only today, tho lmfao<br/>- i'd just like to say that i may or may not have wrote this while listening to caramella girls on loop.<br/>- this chapter ended up being like half of the entire fanfic whoops</p><p>SO: i hope you have a lovely rest of your day/night, remember that there's always a reason to smile, and... NOURISH YOURSELVES! GET WATER, GET FOOD, AND EXERCISE!!!!!! KEEP YOURSELVES HEALTHY BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT AND I LOVE YOU!!!! &lt;3333 *LOVE ATTACKKKKKKK*</p><p>~donut</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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